that Boy.

       I've written this letter to you a thousand times at a thousand different times in my life. Sometimes it was bitter. Sometimes it was angry and full of disgust. Still always it was written with love and admiration. At times I wrote it because I missed you. Others it was written because I hated you and wanted you to hurt as I did. Mostly I wrote these letters to somehow get the feelings out from inside of me without actually telling someone and admitting how I felt. There were very few times they were actually sent. And the same will go for this one. But this one is different. I write this with no particular feeling of anger or love one way or the other. I have come to the place where I can write it out of indifference. And it's a good place to be. It's not to say that I no longer care, I will always care. But now it doesn't matter. I have moved on and been happier than I was before. You will always have a certain place in my heart and at times, thoughts of you will put a smile on my face that nobody but you would understand. But you are not the one who makes me happy anymore. I will always be grateful for the times we had, the things we shared. Even if I could, I would never go back and change anything that happened between us because I know I am a better person because of it. But the time has changed from when I would lie awake thinking of you at night, hoping you were doing the same. If I see you again someday, I wouldn't be mad, I hope the best for you in your life. I hope that you too have the happiness I know have. 
But for the first time, I'd be okay with saying goodbye...

when you wish upon a star.

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.
- Henry David Thoreau 

I have many dreams. Always have. And most of them are big. I set high expectations for myself and I don't accept anything less. This is partly because I don't handle failure very well. But everyday I'm learning.
I dream of everything and I do so constantly. Day and Night. 
Each day when I wake up, I dream of doing great things. Accomplishing tasks that have been set in front of me so that I will be remembered as somebody who did great things. Few things are more accomplishing to me than to be able to overcome an obstacle that I face and being able to share that knowledge with others. 
Every time I step onto this wonderful campus at Brigham Young University-Idaho I dream of doing hard things. I dream of the education I am gaining and the people I meet daily. 
Each time I step on the court, ball in hand, I dream of the things I can do there. I dream of the days when I was good at it, when people looked up to me for what I could do with a ball and a pair of Nike's. I dream that someday I will be able to coach other girls to be able to feel that same way about themselves. To work hard and feel a since of pride for what they have trained themselves to do. 
Every night I lie in bed and dream of my future. I dream of the man who will take me to the temple and what it will be like living our life together. I dream of what our children will be like. I dream of our home and the memories we will make. 
Every moment I dream of my family back at home. I imagine the wonderful things my brothers will accomplish in their own lives. The honorable service they will provide for others. The examples they are to their friends. I dream of being like my mother and somehow learning to have the qualities she does that I have always admired. I dream that my husband will be the man I know my father is. Steadfast and immovable and admired by all who know him.
I dream continuously. And I know that someday, with the help of my Father in Heaven, I will accomplish my dreams.