time doesn't change everything...

i think when we dream at night, our dreams are our minds way of telling us "Stop pretending! This is what you really want..."

And lately, i've been dreaming.

Sometimes i kinda hate dreaming because eventually you wake up and realize it was all in your head. That can be both good or bad- depends what you're dreaming of haha. On Sunday, somebody showed up and let's just say, i wasn't expecting him. It literally was the strangest feeling i think i've ever experienced to watch him pull into the parking lot next to us. My heart all of the sudden was pounding a billion times faster than it was just seconds before and i felt like i'd swallowed a whole school of fish that were just swimmin' around in my stomach. But on the outside no one would know, i played it cool. But i just kept thinking to myself "i shouldn't be happy to see him! What the heck Nicole, knock it off!" So i made my way inside the church and sat down as quick as i could. He sat in the front, i sat towards the back...this would be fine. i could handle this. Just ignore him. Besides, there is a boy in Texas that i'm crazy about! The distance and months apart are really hard and we don't always talk much so it's hard to know what's gonna happen, but still, i can't forget about him. i think of him as much as i used to think about that boy sitting up there, who i didn't think i'd ever see again... but now he's here. And i am the most confused i think i've ever felt. So just ignore him, that's my genius plan, and it worked out really well- until the opening song. i realized that there are some peoples voices that no matter how long you're apart, or even how hard you try you won't ever be able to forget.  So obviously, it was hard. Much harder than i would have thought, all things considered. There were quite a few times (by accident? coincidence? call it what you want) over the next three hours that we were right there together, in the same room, inches away from eachother yet neither of us said a thing. How sad is that? Seriously. if i could go back, i'd change that. And then, as we're leaving, walking out to the car, he runs over and says "Sister Whitfield! I've been trying to talk to you..." and continues on talking to my mom. But what did i do? Well i turned around facing away from him and stood there like an idiot looking at the ground until i finally walked away over to the car. What the.... ?! i don't think i could have been more stupid and just flat out RUDE. But i wasn't thinking. i was confused about how i felt and i panicked. On the way home i realized almost instantly as we left the parking lot that i regretted acting the way i did. i should have said something, at least a simple "hi". That's when i realized that, chances are, i've been lying to myself about how i really felt. Which causes me to be even more confused. A lot has changed in the year that's gone by, and i'm a different person than i was, as i'm sure he is too. And now i can't help but to wish that i would've talked to him when i had the chance...

wanna get to know me?? read this.

Okay so i'm really bored tonight and everyone's already in bed...so instead of just wasting time on Pinterest like most nights i saw these questions on another girls blog and decided to fill them out for myself. Who knows, maybe you'll all learn something new

Were you a responsible child/teenager?

Yeah, I’d say so.. I mean, I had my moments for sure, but what kid doesn’t.

Do you care what people think of you?

To a certain extent, but overall not really

Can you play an instrument?

Trumpet, French Horn, pretty much anything brass. Piano a little too

Do you have leadership skills?

Yes, thankfully I do

Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m.: who do you want it to be?

Someone that it probably won’t/shouldn’t be

What do you do all the time in a car?

Sing. At the top of my lungs. Without fail, every time I go somewhere

What song is stuck in your head?

Nothing-The Script

Do you think too much or too little?

I’m a girl… obviously I think too much haha

At which store would you like to max-out your credit card?

It’s be something online, probably Nike

Do you miss anyone right now?

I sure do

When was the last time you cried really hard?

Saying goodbye to him at the end of Spring semester

Have you ever been kissed under fireworks?

Gratefully, I have

Do you believe ex's can be friends?

That’s a really tough question.. in my experience it doesn’t seem to work out too well unfortunately :/

What did you dream last night?

It was about an old boy, one I haven’t dreamed of in a real long time. Kinda weird actually

What would your last meal be before getting executed?

Probably tri-tip. Or Texas Roadhouse! Yeah, that’s it!

Do you sing in the shower?

Every time

What is your favorite Holiday?

4^th of July and my birthday

Have you ever been in love?

Yes.

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

I usually wear flip-flops or Vans so no need

Have you ever caught a fish?

Yes!

What is your favorite cereal?

Coco Puffs

What is your favorite ice cream?

Anything with chocolate

Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?

Nope

What time is your alarm clock set for?

Haha I have like 3 or 4 alarms set for each morning..one right after the other

What movie do you know every line to?

Hoosiers, Tommy Boy, Remember the Titans

Are you shy around the opposite sex?

Only if I really like them

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

Not very many thankfully, haha

One thing​ you'​re looking forward to?

Having a family of my own someday

Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?

Any way I can

Are you good at hiding your feelings?​

Not really

You'​re trapped in a room for 3 days with your ex, what do you do?

Oh dang, at this point I think it’d just be real awkward. But hopefully we could talk like we used to

Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?

Jimmer, hahaha!

Do you think​ you have made a difference​ in anyone'​s life?​

I sure hope so. That’s a goal of mine

Are you talkative?​Are you shy?

I’d say talkative at times, but kinda shy in general

Do you trust​ people easily?​

No

Favorite type of sock?

Black

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

Uh, I’m in college, that happens all the time!

Favorite food?

Tri-tip and ice cream

Cat person or dog person?

Dog

If you could have one wish, what would it be?

Know who I’m gonna marry haha

Biggest regret?

Not telling certain people what I really want to tell them when I have the chance

Would you die to save the life of someone you dearly love?

Yes

Name ONE trait you hate in a person.

Lying/ being fake

we're going, going..back, back..to Cali, Cali

So umm... very long story short and minus all the confusing/frustrating details... i'm home! It's a little earlier than first expected (like 4 weeks early) but it's okay. Things happen and come up and we have to adapt and change with them. Or so i'm starting to learn.
Annyywayyss... things are totally different being home now. It's so weird. Like i'm not even sure how to handle it.  Luckily, i have been kept SUPER busy helping to get things ready for my grandparents 50th anniversary. We're having a nice party at our house for them and sent out invitations and whatnot so it's up to me to get things looking nice for the big day. I seriously did so much yard work and cleaning and planting and decorating and pretty much anything you could imagine. But in the process, i ended up with quite a nice tan so i won't complain too much, haha. The decorations looked amazing and everything turned out really nice. Lot's of people showed up and we had music and pictures and good food and just a good ol' time overall. I love my family :) and let's just think a minute... 50 years?!?! Like for real, that's SO LONG! i haven't even known anyone in my life for 50 years. i can't wait until someday when i get to celebrate anniversaries with my hunky husband, whoever he is! (ps. did i mention that i miss a boy in Texas? Okay, just making sure) So now that that's all over i've got much more time on my hands, which surprisingly is kind of unfortunate because i started to got a little bit crazy. But institute started up so i've been able to go to that and i actually spent some time going out with the Sister missionaries- interesting experience for sure. I also was able to pick up two jobs: one is reffing volleyball games at the jr. high (which i really don't like, but hey it's money, haha) and the other is working at Dr Openshaw's dental office. i'm actually kinda excited to start that one, i think it'll be a really different experience than i've ever had. So we'll see..i'm just happy to have stuff to do.