that Boy.

       I've written this letter to you a thousand times at a thousand different times in my life. Sometimes it was bitter. Sometimes it was angry and full of disgust. Still always it was written with love and admiration. At times I wrote it because I missed you. Others it was written because I hated you and wanted you to hurt as I did. Mostly I wrote these letters to somehow get the feelings out from inside of me without actually telling someone and admitting how I felt. There were very few times they were actually sent. And the same will go for this one. But this one is different. I write this with no particular feeling of anger or love one way or the other. I have come to the place where I can write it out of indifference. And it's a good place to be. It's not to say that I no longer care, I will always care. But now it doesn't matter. I have moved on and been happier than I was before. You will always have a certain place in my heart and at times, thoughts of you will put a smile on my face that nobody but you would understand. But you are not the one who makes me happy anymore. I will always be grateful for the times we had, the things we shared. Even if I could, I would never go back and change anything that happened between us because I know I am a better person because of it. But the time has changed from when I would lie awake thinking of you at night, hoping you were doing the same. If I see you again someday, I wouldn't be mad, I hope the best for you in your life. I hope that you too have the happiness I know have. 
But for the first time, I'd be okay with saying goodbye...

when you wish upon a star.

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.
- Henry David Thoreau 

I have many dreams. Always have. And most of them are big. I set high expectations for myself and I don't accept anything less. This is partly because I don't handle failure very well. But everyday I'm learning.
I dream of everything and I do so constantly. Day and Night. 
Each day when I wake up, I dream of doing great things. Accomplishing tasks that have been set in front of me so that I will be remembered as somebody who did great things. Few things are more accomplishing to me than to be able to overcome an obstacle that I face and being able to share that knowledge with others. 
Every time I step onto this wonderful campus at Brigham Young University-Idaho I dream of doing hard things. I dream of the education I am gaining and the people I meet daily. 
Each time I step on the court, ball in hand, I dream of the things I can do there. I dream of the days when I was good at it, when people looked up to me for what I could do with a ball and a pair of Nike's. I dream that someday I will be able to coach other girls to be able to feel that same way about themselves. To work hard and feel a since of pride for what they have trained themselves to do. 
Every night I lie in bed and dream of my future. I dream of the man who will take me to the temple and what it will be like living our life together. I dream of what our children will be like. I dream of our home and the memories we will make. 
Every moment I dream of my family back at home. I imagine the wonderful things my brothers will accomplish in their own lives. The honorable service they will provide for others. The examples they are to their friends. I dream of being like my mother and somehow learning to have the qualities she does that I have always admired. I dream that my husband will be the man I know my father is. Steadfast and immovable and admired by all who know him.
I dream continuously. And I know that someday, with the help of my Father in Heaven, I will accomplish my dreams.
 

the boys.

These are my brothers and i am crazy about them.

Let me tell you why:

First off they're hilarious. Thomas comes up with some pretty funny things and Kyle has the ability to make you laugh at nothing at all just because he is laughing. It's a talent i'm sure. They also have always been there for me when i needed them.  Don't get me wrong, we fight, sometimes like no other. But i know in the end that i love them and that they love me, They're just boys so sometimes they're stupid, i'm not sure if they can even help it.

To Thomas i want to say- Hold Strong little brother. You have SO much potential, don't let anything get in the way of that! Keep the Spirit close to you ALWAYS! Even when you think you're doing okay, stay connected to it. If i've learned anything in the last few years. it's that. And pray. Always. Our Father in Heaven know who YOU ARE PERSONALLY. He knows if you're struggling and He wants to help you but you have to ask! He can't do it for you if you don't.  If you start to feel discouraged read conference talks, or think of your favorite hymn. I promise it will brighten your day (or you could just think of your awesome sister). Also, remember to have fun. Take school seriously, but not too seriously. Make good memories so you have funny stories to tell your kids someday. So have fun and remember who you are and that i love you!

Kyle Wayne-you make me smile every time i talk to you. I'm so thankful for the friendship we have. You've always been there for me when times were hard and i just needed someone to be around without talking. Every episode of Friends i watch makes me think of you. Someday we will live close to each other and play pranks on people constantly. You are so mature for your age and i think that's part of the reason we get along so well. I miss you too. My advice for you is stay close to the spirit. Don't leave any room for temptation. You are a strong young man, so there's no doubt you'll be tempted, but i have no doubt in your ability to overcome anything that's thrown you're way. You have such a sweet spirit Kyle, i know that you will do great things someday and I can't wait to see what they are.

i love you both and can't wait to see you!

My Parents

Dear Mom&Dad,

I LOVE YOU!

i could say just that and it would totally be enough  but i won't :) 

First off, i miss you guys soo much. Everyday. I even miss you're continuous teasing and making fun of things i say or do. I miss dad sneaking around the house and popping out to scare me and the fact that i fell for it everytime. You guys are such great examples to me, i honestly couldn't have been blessed with better parents. 

Mom, you are the most caring person of this entire planet. I hope to develop even half of the patience that you have. Even through all of the dumb things I did, you were always so understanding and loving even if i didn't deserve it. I will never be able to thank you as much as you deserve. I hope to have the relationship with my children someday that you have with us. 

Dad, you are the most hard-working person ever. I admire the man you are and the job you do. Everyone around you does. You are the type of person who everyone is proud to say they know and i am even prouder to call you my dad. I will always be your little girl. And even though it drives me crazy at times that you scare the boys away i'm thankful for your instincts that keep the creeps away. 

I love you both so much and i hope to make you proud by living the way you have taught me.

Crush. Crush. Crush.

Hmm...my crush? That is a hard question. Th reason being that I pretty much have a crush on EVERY cute guy i see here in Rexburg. There are SOO many of them, it is amazing and pleases my soul. And the greatest part of it is...there are genuine, kind guys. Which is kind of a change for me (hahaha). I've decided to only date RM's because let's face it: am I gonna wait two years for anyone?? Nope! 

I think it's a good plan considering most of the guys in my classes are RM's, which i don't mind one bit. So my crush consists of a good majority of the male population here in good ol' Rexburg :)

i love it!

my best friends.

I can honestly say that i don’t have a best friend... i have many! That is why choosing one would be impossible. Therefore, i’m not choosing. But i can think of a few who have very special places in my heart.

Drumroll please..

First i’ll start with Miss Alyssa Kay. 

We may have our disagreements because let’s face it, we are pretty different people. But i always love you no matter what! I love that you’ve always been there for me to talk to about the things that i didn’t feel like telling other people. I love our dinner dates and the fact that you love me even though i eat more than anyone on this planet. Even though you would get so annoyed with me during basketball because my arms are longer than your entire body and i liked to use that to my advantage, i’d still choose you over Shaq any day! I love all of our adventures and miss you while i’m here in Idaho but someday you will come visit me and it will be grand! Love ya babe!!

Next will be Rebekah. 

When i met you i never knew we would become such best friends. You were so quiet. But little did i know that we would have some of the greatest times of our lives together! I can’t even begin to write down all of the crazy things i’ve done in my life, but having the memories of us doing them together just makes them that much better!

I mean really, who eats half a lemon covered in chocolate syrup?! And who eats burning marshmallows off of a burning metal torch?! And who climbs into the rafters of the church or eats packets off chili peppers just because a boy dared you?! Oh yeah, that’s right, WE DO! I am so grateful that you moved to that crazy little town of Hughson those few years ago. I love you and don’t know what my life would have been like without you! And i’m grateful i don’t have to find out. Now i just have to convince you to move to Rexburg with me. Hahaha.

 Now on to some of the most important people in the world: my family.

My mom and dad are my best friends in the entire world! I tell them everything and am SO grateful for all the support they give me. I really couldn’t do it without you. You have raised me so well and prepared me for whatever is to come. And we have so much fun!

I know people tease me a lot about being “just like your dad” and i may act like i don’t believe them but in all honestly, i couldn’t think of anyone i’d rather be told i am like! You are my hero.

I love spending time with you guys and miss all the good times we have! Wether it’s just watching T.V. or going out, or me climbing in your bed at night, or dad sneaking around and scaring the crap outta me, i wouldn’t trade it for anything! I can’t wait to someday bring a boy home for your approval and think of all the fun times we’ll have. I could seriously go on about why you guys are my best friends for DAYS!, but i won’t because that’s not fair to everyone else.

Next is my grandpa. 

Poppy you are my favorite person ever! I look up to you so much. You truly are one of the greatest men alive and i am so blessed to call you my Pop. You are my hero. Someday i hope to marry a man like you, who cares for our family and the gospel as deeply as i know you do. I am so thankful for the time that we got to spend together on the truck and on all our little trips and adventures. I wouldn’t want to have spent my time any other way. And i will never forget out trips to Husky Burger and how much i look forward to going anywhere with you. You and grama are the greatest grandparents a girl could ask for, seriously. I'm proud to call you mine. I love you so much!!

And last, but DEFINITELY NOT LEAST, my very best friend ever: Kyle Wayne Whitfield.

Kyle, you’re awesome! I miss you so much! I’m so grateful you put up with my craziness. I love it when you camp out on my bedroom floor and watch movies with me all night. Or when you sneak in after mom tells you to go to bed like a thousand times. Or when we go to get slurpees everyday of summer just because we can. And when i check you out of school because i’m lonely and want lunch. Pretty much, i miss all of the adventure we have together. Mostly i miss seeing you everyday and having you wait up for me when i come home late. And i miss you going with me anywhere i needed to go. Those times when i just needed to drive around no where and clear my head, you’re always right there in the passenger seat next to me, no questions asked. You always put up with the dumb boy. And you don’t laugh at me when i wanna turn the music up way to loud and dance like a maniac; you just dance along with me.  I admire you so much, Kyle. You have a great spirit and you are such a kind person. Although sometimes i forget you’re a 12 year old boy and get annoyed with you, always remember i will always love you more than i can even start to express. You are my best friend.

the start of something new.

So my roommate and i decided to start these blogs for a couple reasons. Partly because we heard about other people doing them and they've always sounded like fun but mostly because she found this really cute idea on her friends blog and we wanted to do it! So, we're stealing it! The goal:

Write a letter everyday concerning a different topic of my life.

Day 1: My Best Friend

Day 2: A Crush

Day 3: My Parents

Day 4: My Siblings

Day 5: My Dreams

Day 6: A Stranger

Day 7: My Ex

Day 8: My Favorite Internet Friend

Day 9: Someone I Wish I Could Meet

Day 10: Someone I Don't Talk To As Much As I'd Like

Day 11: A Deceased Person I Wish I could Talk To

Day 12: The Person Who Caused Me The Most Pain

Day 13: Someone I Wish Could Forgive Me

Day 14: Someone I've Drifted From

Day 15: The Person I Miss The Most

Day 16: Someone Not In My State

Day 17: A Childhood Friend

Day 18: Someone I Wish I Could Be

Day 19: Someone Who Pesters My Mind (Good or Bad)

Day 20: The One Who Broke My Heart The Hardest

Day 21: Someone I Judged By Their First Impression

Day 22: Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Day 23: The Last Person I Kissed

Day 24: My Most Favorite Memory

Day 25: The Person I Know Is Going Through The Hardest Times

Day 26: The Last Person I Made A Pinky Promise To

Day 27: The Friendliest Person I Know

Day 28: Someone Who Changed My Life

Day 29: The Person I Want To Tell Everything To But Am Too Afraid

Day 30: My Reflection

So here it goes!!